"Bro, why are you texting with one eye closed?!" - KG™
"Cause I see four phones with two eyes and only one when I shut this eyeball!" - Donny
You Know Those Quotes From Famous People We're Always Using?...These Are Not Those.
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Wednesday, November 10, 2010
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November
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- "I slept with his brother and then dumped him caus...
- "She's such a sorry person and so damn fat to go a...
- "I had shots for breakfast, masturbated through lu...
- To a server buddy of mine; "Have you ever done som...
- Watching the UFC fights at a bar and it's 80 degre...
- "I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty conceited right now...
- "If I were to fuck me I'd know EXACTLY how to win ...
- After a night of drinking and eating at Whataburge...
- As we're watching the football games two ladies st...
- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You hammered yet?!" "Why, you wan...
- In a room full of people: "Can anyone tell me why ...
- "She's a whore, really?........*long pause*..........
- "If I could suck my own dick, that'd be my profile...
- "Nobody says, 'Fuck it' like LSU."
- "There are two things I'd stick my dick in right n...
- "Everybody. I mean EVERYBODY! And not to mention.....
- "I've got a lost and found at my house."
- "What do you do when you see a hot girl?!.....*sil...
- "If I had 3 less ribs, I'd never leave the house!"
- "The greatest day of my life was when my girlfrien...
- "It's on like my cock in the summer of '08!"
- "I'm telling you, fish oil is good for your body."...
- "Dude, these chips taste like limes!" "They're lim...
- "I drove home like Ace Ventura last night. I didn'...
- After a female bartender yells, "SHE CAN SUCK MY D...
- "I'm going to have to register as a sex offender n...
- "My roommate is moving out, so my bills are gonna ...
- "HEY! How many licks does it take to get to the ce...
- "A kid on a bus just yelled at me." "If it was a s...
- "I'm so poor right now." - 1 "YOU'RE poor?! I eat ...
- "If Auburn wins a National Championship and they w...
- "You sound tired bro." "Yeah, I'm road weary. I've...
- "How many of those cheeseburgers are you gonna eat...
- "Is there any way to have sex with the moon?" "Wel...
- "Doesn't 'Supercuts' look like 'Spartacus?'" "Have...
- "Whoever invented the soft lace border bra I want ...
- "Dude, I wanted to pound her out so severely last ...
- Meagan talking about her 1 year old son. "Do you s...
- "YEAH! PUT THAT SHIT ON YOUR TWIT!" - Hooters girl
- After 18 straight hours in a casino: "Damn! That g...
- "Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy." "...
- "I beat Call of Duty Black Ops in two days." - 1 "...
- Talking about a guy that keeps telling people he's...
- "He's gotta go out with me tonight and be my wingm...
- "What kind of whore cologne are you wearing?!"
- "This old lady just walked into Publix with a purp...
- "I just got my tits done! Let's go to Vegas!!!"
- A buddy of mine talking to his ex girlfriend and h...
- Stopping a random stranger for his opinion after g...
- After yelling "WHO THE HELL IS LUMBERG?!?!" severa...
- "There are four fine ass ladies over there and I'm...
- "This guy just mind fucked the shit out of me!" "S...
- "You don't like Lady Ga Ga?!" "No. I will jump out...
- "I like you. But your Facebook personality beats m...
- "He didn't even have a neck. It just went straight...
- What I said to my server: "Keep the drinks coming....
- Lead singer of the band in between songs, just bef...
- "That's why I like you Kenny. You're a real person...
- "Excuse me. I'm gonna need a few minutes. I'm abou...
- "I don't like it when people say they have a gland...
- "You complete me. And by that I mean you make me C...
- "He's probably drunk and eating fast food as we sp...
- "HAPPY VETERANS DAY, BRO! I will shampoo your crot...
- "If all you do is 'win, win, win no matter what' t...
- "Nice cutdown. Did you get that one from the 80s o...
- "If one more girl puts, 'Gettin my hair did' as he...
- "She keeps calling me Brian. She can't remember my...
- "Look! See those two girls over there with the REA...
- Talking about a random sloppy guy following around...
- "Monday is officially National Suicide Awareness D...
- "She bathes in slut water." - KG™
- At IHOP "And I want my biscuits buttered." - Blake...
- "You look like a drunk Ryan Cabrera." - LG™
- After leaving a nice tip: "So, what are you doing ...
- "You gotta try this, it's called Coliseum Juice. W...
- "I've had sex with 154 girls." Guy "Are there 154 ...
- "I mean, how is he suppose to take care of someone...
- "Dude, she speaks Spanish cause she's Mexican." "N...
- "What is she wearing?" - Arissa "I don't know? I t...
- "This dude over there tried to start something wi...
- "Why is my ass wet?!" - Blake "Some one spilled a ...
- "What are you laughing at so hysterically?.....mor...
- "I was in bed at 8:30 last night and passed out al...
- "Ok, she looked good from a distance. What is that...
- "Bro, why are you texting with one eye closed?!" -...
- "She was wearing a sweater as a dress. I don't thi...
- "What did you do last night?" "Bro, I just have o...
- "I want a beer right now!" - Ryan "There's 3 in t...
- "Dude, is this beer a pop top or what?!" - Donny "...
- "Who were those guys?! I think I smelled one of th...
- "I swear shampoo came from an Asian language."
- "Hey, here's a question for ya that will blow your...
- "You know what's awesome? Awesome is when you know...
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