"If one more girl puts, 'Gettin my hair did' as her FB status and she's
white, I'm gonna penetrate every one in this room."
You Know Those Quotes From Famous People We're Always Using?...These Are Not Those.
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Wednesday, November 10, 2010
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November
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- "I slept with his brother and then dumped him caus...
- "She's such a sorry person and so damn fat to go a...
- "I had shots for breakfast, masturbated through lu...
- To a server buddy of mine; "Have you ever done som...
- Watching the UFC fights at a bar and it's 80 degre...
- "I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty conceited right now...
- "If I were to fuck me I'd know EXACTLY how to win ...
- After a night of drinking and eating at Whataburge...
- As we're watching the football games two ladies st...
- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You hammered yet?!" "Why, you wan...
- In a room full of people: "Can anyone tell me why ...
- "She's a whore, really?........*long pause*..........
- "If I could suck my own dick, that'd be my profile...
- "Nobody says, 'Fuck it' like LSU."
- "There are two things I'd stick my dick in right n...
- "Everybody. I mean EVERYBODY! And not to mention.....
- "I've got a lost and found at my house."
- "What do you do when you see a hot girl?!.....*sil...
- "If I had 3 less ribs, I'd never leave the house!"
- "The greatest day of my life was when my girlfrien...
- "It's on like my cock in the summer of '08!"
- "I'm telling you, fish oil is good for your body."...
- "Dude, these chips taste like limes!" "They're lim...
- "I drove home like Ace Ventura last night. I didn'...
- After a female bartender yells, "SHE CAN SUCK MY D...
- "I'm going to have to register as a sex offender n...
- "My roommate is moving out, so my bills are gonna ...
- "HEY! How many licks does it take to get to the ce...
- "A kid on a bus just yelled at me." "If it was a s...
- "I'm so poor right now." - 1 "YOU'RE poor?! I eat ...
- "If Auburn wins a National Championship and they w...
- "You sound tired bro." "Yeah, I'm road weary. I've...
- "How many of those cheeseburgers are you gonna eat...
- "Is there any way to have sex with the moon?" "Wel...
- "Doesn't 'Supercuts' look like 'Spartacus?'" "Have...
- "Whoever invented the soft lace border bra I want ...
- "Dude, I wanted to pound her out so severely last ...
- Meagan talking about her 1 year old son. "Do you s...
- "YEAH! PUT THAT SHIT ON YOUR TWIT!" - Hooters girl
- After 18 straight hours in a casino: "Damn! That g...
- "Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy." "...
- "I beat Call of Duty Black Ops in two days." - 1 "...
- Talking about a guy that keeps telling people he's...
- "He's gotta go out with me tonight and be my wingm...
- "What kind of whore cologne are you wearing?!"
- "This old lady just walked into Publix with a purp...
- "I just got my tits done! Let's go to Vegas!!!"
- A buddy of mine talking to his ex girlfriend and h...
- Stopping a random stranger for his opinion after g...
- After yelling "WHO THE HELL IS LUMBERG?!?!" severa...
- "There are four fine ass ladies over there and I'm...
- "This guy just mind fucked the shit out of me!" "S...
- "You don't like Lady Ga Ga?!" "No. I will jump out...
- "I like you. But your Facebook personality beats m...
- "He didn't even have a neck. It just went straight...
- What I said to my server: "Keep the drinks coming....
- Lead singer of the band in between songs, just bef...
- "That's why I like you Kenny. You're a real person...
- "Excuse me. I'm gonna need a few minutes. I'm abou...
- "I don't like it when people say they have a gland...
- "You complete me. And by that I mean you make me C...
- "He's probably drunk and eating fast food as we sp...
- "HAPPY VETERANS DAY, BRO! I will shampoo your crot...
- "If all you do is 'win, win, win no matter what' t...
- "Nice cutdown. Did you get that one from the 80s o...
- "If one more girl puts, 'Gettin my hair did' as he...
- "She keeps calling me Brian. She can't remember my...
- "Look! See those two girls over there with the REA...
- Talking about a random sloppy guy following around...
- "Monday is officially National Suicide Awareness D...
- "She bathes in slut water." - KG™
- At IHOP "And I want my biscuits buttered." - Blake...
- "You look like a drunk Ryan Cabrera." - LG™
- After leaving a nice tip: "So, what are you doing ...
- "You gotta try this, it's called Coliseum Juice. W...
- "I've had sex with 154 girls." Guy "Are there 154 ...
- "I mean, how is he suppose to take care of someone...
- "Dude, she speaks Spanish cause she's Mexican." "N...
- "What is she wearing?" - Arissa "I don't know? I t...
- "This dude over there tried to start something wi...
- "Why is my ass wet?!" - Blake "Some one spilled a ...
- "What are you laughing at so hysterically?.....mor...
- "I was in bed at 8:30 last night and passed out al...
- "Ok, she looked good from a distance. What is that...
- "Bro, why are you texting with one eye closed?!" -...
- "She was wearing a sweater as a dress. I don't thi...
- "What did you do last night?" "Bro, I just have o...
- "I want a beer right now!" - Ryan "There's 3 in t...
- "Dude, is this beer a pop top or what?!" - Donny "...
- "Who were those guys?! I think I smelled one of th...
- "I swear shampoo came from an Asian language."
- "Hey, here's a question for ya that will blow your...
- "You know what's awesome? Awesome is when you know...
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