A drunk friend of mine running up to a bouncer to mess with him and his own girlfriend:
"HEY! CAN YOU BELIEVE THE SHIT SHE'S PULLING RIGHT NOW?!?! I KNOW, IT'S BULL SHIT!!!(As the bouncer just looks at him strangely)
Then, getting into his car as he's tossing his girlfriend his keys:
"Okay bro I'll see you later! Babe, you're driving. I swear I'd kill a person right now if I got behind the wheel."